THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY: How do we know he was the one that got away? We should think about why the relationship ended. What were the circumstances? What did he do? Or was it your fault? Did you find yourself in the arms of another man? Did you blow up over something minor and suddenly found your man turned off? I think sometimes we as women can get too comfortable just like men. We can get to the point to where we feel like our man loves us and he is not going anywhere. We tend to become more demanding of him assuming that we don’t have to continue to do the things that we did that captured his heart initially. We get complacent. So maybe we get lazy and he gets bored with you and then curious about someone else. Wondering if you could’ve done more or what you could’ve done to save the relationship; you find that it’s too late and your heart is breaking. He’s always the one you think about and compare your new potential mates too. Although no one will ever measure up to him, your heart tells you you’re settling when you try to fix your sights on a suitor. You find that once you’re in a relationship, your new man doesn’t treat you the way your ex did. Even though he tries to do everything and actually does everything right, his actions still don’t make your heart skip a beat. When you look in his eyes you don’t see forever. With your ex on your mind you wonder should I try to get him back? Now you’re wondering things like “should I apologize?” Give him an unexpected call late one night to invite him over?” you know what this means…But will you be comfortable with opening yourself up to a situation that has expired. This can be very risky!!

As we discussed earlier sometimes men do use other women to help them get over a break up, so you may see something you don’t want to see. Of course we never look at it like that. Maybe you can just call and ask to meet him at your favorite restaurant and dress to impress. You may find that he is receptive and want to get back together. On the other hand, as we discussed earlier, in most cases just like us once a man is finished for the most part, he is not too quick to give second chances. However if it means peace of mind in knowing that you tried to salvage what you could of his feeling so that you could renew your relationship, than  like I always say; You only get one life so don’t live it with tons of regrets”.



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  1. Long term relationships are hard, and one of the biggest killers of long terms relationships is apathy. In the early courting stage of a relationship, we (guys and girls) tend to do all the little things to show our partner that we care. The smiles, the looks, the signs of affection, trying to “dress to impress” as you put it.

    Once you’ve been together for a long time, it’s natural for these sort of things to decline. Part of it is biochemical – the endorphin rush of the early stage is physically unsustainable. But part of it is safety. You “have” the other person. You know that you are committed to each other, and so you let your guards down and you become comfortable around each other.

    This is actually a good thing in terms of a sign the relationship is maturing. Unfortunately, it is also less romantic, and less exciting. And after a while, many people start to wonder – is this it? Is this all a relationship is?

    I think mainstream media (books, movies, music etc) paint unrealistic expectations about relationships, and these expectations are targeted largely towards women. Relationships are painted as these wonderful magical things, where you see each other and run across the room in slow motion to embrace.

    Real like isn’t like that, and when people believe that is what relationships look like they are bound to disappoint. I have seen SO many men and women (but mostly women) leave strong relationships because they are looking for the excitement of “the new”. Sorry, new won’t always be new. If you do that, you will always be searching.

    It’s sadly quite common for people to leave relationships in search of something more, when all they needed to do was start doing the little things that brought them together in the first place. Then 6 months to 2 years later they realize that they made a mistake, and what they were searching for isn’t real. But by then it’s often too late.

    Yes people make mistakes. But if you leave someone because you are looking for something better, and then after you realize you were chasing an ideal – why would someone take you back?

    I think people should take more time to appreciate what they actually have instead of focusing on what they don’t. If they did, the world would probably be a much happier place.


    1. I agree what a great post. I like the part when you said that people are “looking for the excitement of the new” Do you think this contributes to affairs and mid-life crisis. When men start buying sports cars and women lookin at younger men. What are your thoughts? Thanks for posting!!


  2. I believe that is a leading cause of affairs. Mid-life crisis I see as different.

    To me, midlife crisis comes down to self-love (which I have an upcoming series of posts on). If you love yourself and have a good sense of who you are, then you usually know/understand that you are largely in control of your own life.

    For people who don’t love themselves, they often feel out of control – they are just “going along for the ride” with someone else. This is part of why people who don’t love themselves tend to exhibit characteristics of learned helplessness.

    All of us hit a point where we evaluate our lives, and where we are. Midlife is a common time as we realize we are getting older, and the years ahead are less than the years past. People who love themselves then to look at their lives and be fairly content with the path they are on and the decisions they have made. People who don’t love themselves are more likely to see larger gaps between where they are and where they wish they were, and and therefore are more likely to make changes.

    Of course often those changes are self-destructive ones, and ones that they will later regret. But those are the choices they make.

    That’s my 2 cents


    1. Great post. But now how do we help the ones suffering change their point of view. A lot of people don’t know they have a problem, let alone where the problem stems from. I feel like the mid-life crisis has just been accepted by society. No one sees it for the problem it is, but just as a harmless phase. .as always I thank you for taking the time to post


      1. Well that’s the hard part. There’s really not much you can do.
        It hurts like hell to watch someone you love self-destruct before your eyes. You look at their behavior and you think, “how can they not realize how much damage they are doing”.

        But they don’t, or in the frame of mind they are in at the time they simply don’t care. I’ve talked to people who knew they were being selfish/rude/inconsiderate, but they simply didn’t care. They felt that they were owed something, or they deserved to act a certain way. They didn’t care how they were hurting their loved ones.

        It’s like dealing with an alcoholic – they won’t get better until they truly want to. Unfortunately, that often means they need to hit rock bottom and lose everything before they realize what they have done.

        As for midlife crisis being a harmless phase…

        …I don’t think it’s harmless at all. In some cases someone goes and buys a leather jacket or a new car. The family finances may take a hit, but it’s not too bad. However often considerable damage is done. When affairs happen families are torn apart, children are forced to grow up in broken homes. Or maybe the family is able to stay together, but the nature of the relationship is fundamentally changed as trust is broken. I’ve talked to a number of people who have rebuilt after an affair, and the consensus is that “it is never the same”.

        It’s sad, and it affects a surprisingly large number of people/couples.

        Liked by 1 person

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